I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
