its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
