it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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