Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
