they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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