I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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