How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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