Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
