Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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