I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
