so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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