and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How external is "for external use only"?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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