He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
