Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
