i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
