Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
