I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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