I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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