I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
