no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
