that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
