Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Less talking, more tequila
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
