mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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