i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You have to summon your inner elephant
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
