This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
