I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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