If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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