he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
