i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
