made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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