i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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