woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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