In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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