so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
