I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
