Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
