Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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