he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
