You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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