Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
