We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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