I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
