I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
