I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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