I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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