you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
