The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
