D3 body, D1 cock
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
