Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
