I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
