you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
