Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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