remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
