he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
