so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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