Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
