Can i not drive my cunt home
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
