How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
